1. Use active voice
(a).
Instead of
The ultrasonic machine might be affected by the size of the gap between
the actuating annulus.
Try
The gap size between the actuating annulus might affect the ultrasonic
machine.
(b). Instead of
A thorough analysis is performed in this study of the blocking phenomenon.
Try
This study thoroughly analyzes the blocking phenomenon.
(c).
Instead of
The ISO 14000 standard regulations of the International Standards
Organization were officially introducted in 1996.
Try
The International Standards Organization officially introduced the
ISO 14000 standard regulations in 1996. 2. Simplify your
meaning
(a). Instead of
The proposed method results in performance improvement.
Try
The proposed method improves (enhances, upgrades, elevates) performance.
(b). Instead of
In order to obtain a better understanding.
Try
To more thoroughly understand.
(c). Instead of
There are five schemes we shall discuss in the paper which are applied
to the architecture shown in Fig. 1.
Try
Five schemes discussed herein are applied to the architecture in
Fig. 1.
(d). Instead of
Currently, there are more than fifty varieties of bulk pharmaceuticals
produced in Taiwan.
Try
More than fifty varieties of bulk pharmaceuticals are produced in
Taiwan.
3. Avoid unclear pronoun or demonstrative references.
NOTE: Avoid using too many pronoun references (It is...., They are
.... which is....) or demonstratives (This is.... That is ....)
(a). Instead of
The proposed scheme decreases the total carried traffic by keeping
the requests in a queue, which means that the conventional scheme
makes a poor channel utilization again.
Try
The fact that the proposed scheme decreases the total carried traffic
by maintaining the requests in a queue implies (suggests) that the
conventional scheme again poorly utilizes the channel.
or Try
The proposed scheme's decrease in the total carried traffic by maintaining
the requests in a queue implies (suggests) that the conventional
scheme again poorly utilizes the channel.
or even try
The proposed scheme decreases the total carried traffic by maintaining
the requests in a queue; such a decrease (this occurrence) indicates
that the conventional scheme again poorly utilizes the channel.
(b). Instead of
They are not performing as well as the solvent-based counterparts
although they are very environmental friendly by reducing the VOC
drastically.
Try
Although having significantly reduced VOCs, their performance is
not as high as the solvent-based counterparts.
(c). Instead of
The key in the developing of the foreign market is how to succeed
through high quality. This is because foreign countries have an
extremely high standard on quality of the products. It is especially
Europe, Japan and the United States.
Try
Developing a product for the foreign market involves(entails) understanding
how to compete with an extremely high standard of product quality,
particularly in Europe, Japan and the United States.
4. Create strong verbs
(a). Instead of
is greater than
Try
exceeds
(b). Instead of
The procedure is to turn on the machine.
Try
The procedure involves(entails) turning on the machine.
(c). Instead of
A is like B.
Try
A resembles B.
5. Avoid needless redundancy and repetitiveness.
(a). Instead of
The printing industry provides people with all kinds of printed
materials: from daily newspapers to fashion magazines. These magazines
add color to our everyday lives though the organic solvents used
contain high content of volatile organic compounds which accounts
for smog and other environmental problems. It is also
hazardous to the print shop workers. Some of the imported waterborne
printing inks may solve theseproblems. However, the price is three
to ten times higher than the conventional solvent-based print inks.
Try
The organic solvents used extensively in the printing industry contain
many volatile organic compounds which arre potentially hazardous
to humans and the surrounding environment. Some imported waterborne
printing inks, although capable of solving related problems, cost
three to ten times higher than the conventional solvent-based ones.
(b). Instead of
Since the climate on Orchid Island is relatively hot and humid compared
to Taiwan, the research team from the Research Institute decided
to return them to their native habitat on Orchid Island to allow
the butterflies to be successfully born.
Try
The fact that Orchid Island's climate is generally hotter and more
humid than the rest of Taiwan led to the research team's decision
to return the than the rest of Taiwan led to the research team's
decision to return the butterflies to their native habitat, thereby
ensuring their successful birth. |
