[ Exercise 1 ]
-
Engineers
combine all inputs to create a product. [
more >>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
Switching from passive voice to active
voice makes this sentence more direct, concise and persuasive.
-
Their
approach includes three phases of analysis. [ more
>>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
Like in the previous sentence, using
passive voice makes the sentence wordy or indecisive. However,
active voice makes the sentence more direct and clear.
-
The
proposed procedures and Taguchi's two-step procedure are statistically
compared. [ more >>>
]
EDITOR'S NOTE
Using a verb instead of a noun simplifies
this sentence. Avoid sentences that contain phrases like "is
made", "is done", "is performed",
"is conducted", "is undertaken" and "is
achieved". Such phrases often make the sentence unnecessarily
long. Consider the following examples:
Original
Simulation of the program is done.
Revised
The program is simulated.
Original
Implementation of the program is performed.
Revised
The program is implemented.
Original
Optimization of the output is achieved.
Revised
The output is optimized.
-
The
factor levels are more efficiently combined when the control
factor is continuous. [ more
>>> ]
-
Temperature,
volume and weight cause saturation. [ more
>>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
A writer should use strong verbs that
imply a precise action. In this case, "cause" implies
a more precise action than "include". Avoid overusing
verbs like "make" "come" "take"
"is" "are" "was" "were"
which often have a general meaning rather than a precise one.
Consider the following examples:
Original (Unclear action)
The purpose of this study is to understand the underlying
factors.
Revised (Clear action)
This study attempts (aims) to understand the underlying factors.
Original (Unclear action)
The committee made a decision on what to do next.
Revised (Clear action)
The committee decided what to do next.
-
The
Taguchi approach minimizes the average quadratic loss. [
more >>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
The verb "minimizes" is more
precise than "entails minimizing".
-
Robust
design has received considerable attention. [ more
>>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
Writers should try to avoid sentences
that start with "There" and "It" to save
space and to achieve a greater emphasis. Consider the following
examples:
Original
There are many programs available in Taiwan.
Revised
Many programs are available in Taiwan.
Original
It is possible to create many designs with the software.
Revised
Many designs can be created with the software.
-
The
parameter settings significantly differ in terms of control
levels. [ more >>>
]
EDITOR'S NOTE
In this revised sentence, not only does
the writer avoid the "There is" sentence opener
but also turns a general verb ("is") into a precise
one ("significantly differ").
-
The
committee decided whether using a mouse or a trackball in
the workplace would be more productive. [ more
>>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
The writer should try to avoid needless
and redundant words and phrases that only make the sentence
lengthy. In addition to using a strong verb that expresses
a more precise action ("decided" instead of "made
a decision"), the revised sentence uses a simpler word
instead of a wordy phrase ("whether" instead of
"the question as to"). Unit Six provides more examples
of needless and redundant words and phrases.
-
As
a rule, mice and trackballs are both used for the same reason.
[ more >>> ]
EDITOR'S NOTE
Another form of redundancy is putting
two words together that have the same meaning. Since "rule"
implies something that is "general", the writer
can easily cut this phrase in half by simply saying "rule"
instead of "general rule".
More examples are provided in Unit Six.
|
