[ Exercise 2 ]
- Their work further
extended this concept to include the conventional approach. [
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Putting the sentence in active voice not
only saves space and makes the sentence more direct, but also
places the most important noun at the front of the sentence.
- Smith simply
modified these notions to determine the constructs. [ more
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Again, making nouns into verbs is an easy
way of simplifying a sentence.
- This work develops
a simple procedure to determine the optimum conditions for the
nominal-the-best robust design problems. [ more
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Like the original sentence, many writers
add unnecessary prefaces in front of the subject. Doing so tends
to push the subject away from the front of the sentence and makes
it more difficult for the reader to identify. However, in the
revised sentence, the subject is placed in front of the sentence
by making an unnecessary noun ("determination") into
a verb.
- Flexible manufacturing
systems continuously change in a dynamic environment. [ more
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Instead of hiding a verb inside/within a
noun, the revised sentence is simplified and continuously change
expresses a more direct action than occurs.
- Those factors
significantly affect the signal-to-noise (SN) ratio. [ more
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Omitting "have" makes the action
in the sentence clearer.
- Leon, Shoemaker
and Kacker (1987) justified using the SN ratio and explained why
Taguchi's two-step procedure would minimize average loss. [
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Turning nouns into verbs makes this sentence
less wordy and more direct.
- The maximum quality
loss seems to dominate the optimal factor/level combination. [
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Avoiding the sentence opener of "It"
and changing from passive to active voice greatly simplifies this
sentence.
- The two methods
slightly differ in speed. [ more
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Avoiding "There is" sentence openers
not only makes this sentence more direct by putting the subject
towards the front of the sentence, but also makes the sentence
less wordy. The sentence can be further simplified by watching
out for wordy phrases ("in" instead of "in terms
of").
- AB is undoubtedly
a more stable operating system than CD so the user can make predictions
of market trends. [ more >>>
]
EDITOR'S NOTE
As the above revision demonstrates, omitting
wordy phrases and expressing the same meaning more concisely can
greatly simplify a sentence. As mentioned earlier, putting two
words together that have the same meaning is another form of redundancy.
Redundancy in this sentence is omitted by simply saying "predictions"
instead of "future predictions".
- Organizational
goals must be clarified when the company can enter the global
market soon. [ more >>>
]
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